I am dumbstruck. I look at the text again, then look away. I throw the phone lightly to the ground, trying to make sure my temper doesn’t cost me a device.
I get up quickly and walk to the bathroom. I throw one two three four punches and then I feel my knuckles hurt, at which point I stop and walk out. I go back to the dining room, where I had left the phone. I pick it up, press the left button so that the screen comes on, swipe it away to see the message I had left on. I stare.
I am one with reality. I am finally removed from the world of idealism. The words in the text murder and bury me. I feel the old me leaving in a rage. Everything I had known till today, everything I had trusted in, seems to appear flaky.
I sincerely feel like breaking the phone. I am pressing it hard in my grip, but my small hands lack the strength to do any damage. The futile action ends up only hurting the sides of my wrist. This is not how to vent.
I get up and walk to the bathroom again. I lock the door and lock the small window on the wall above me. My heart is not beating fast. No. It’s burning. The space around it feels like plasticine burning. The dripping of burning black poison in my chest is what I feel.
My belly suddenly feels hollow and full at the same time. I had a few minutes ago just put the contents of the Chicken Tonight pack on my black plate and had been ready to place a fork in the chips. Just then is when the text came in and everything froze. My belly lost all demand for food. My brain became cloudy. I lost my appetite.
I am in the bathroom. Staring in the mirror. Shouting at myself. (—t! —t! —t! —t!) How could that —t! Happen? Every bone in me is trying to throw itself at anything in the room. My muscles are the only things holding them back. My mind is filling jigsaws of the past, my heart is gushing.
And then the mind clears. Blue as the morning sky. I know what I’m goingto do. So I take off my clothes, turn the shower on, grab the yellow Geisha soap and stand under the cold water. I spend about 5 minutes there and then turn off the water. I don’t know how I get on the clothes but next, I am tying my shoe laces and heading out.
I take a look at the text again and with a grin say, “Let me show you what a mad man can do…”
The story is continued here