Journals are good. You find answers to questions you’re asking now that you had asked before. We forget, it seems, quickly forget that just the other day we were unshackled of our chains and led out of Egypt with no agitation of our own.
That we walked through the waters of the Red Sea and saw a Pharaoh and his army interred therein. We forget quickly.
“Anything on the ground of you is not Him.”
Nostalgia; lost time;unforgotten loss; break ups that hurt, heartbreaks that scorched. It seeps in slowly;unnoticed; unawares till the bile is at the tip of your tongue.
I look back and forget the fate of Lot’s wife yet not looking is not the solution either. “You left your heart there in Sodom; Egypt – a thousand miles away from it and you still knew where your treasure was.
Even after the fires of heaven consumed Sodom, even after the waters swallowed the strength of Egypt- they remained alive in you; they were home to you.”
“Her salty kiss that was sweet as red wine, her dovely eyes that would lock you in her gaze – they lingered. They were Lazarus’ tomb four days after burial but to you they smelled like lilacs fresh from the meadows.”
“You endured the death of these things but never stayed for their burial. They were as alive as you.”
“So they haunt. They haunt you on those long sleepless nights where the air is hot and the sound is gone. They tease your mind with flashes of sunsets and laughter. In that moment, you would become a necromancer – flirting with the dead yet here you are very alive.”
So I open the journal, and go back to sane thoughts. To dig up the answers I once had; the truths I’d at one time embraced; the light I walked in.
“She burns – your beloved Sodom
She drowns – the captor you loved, Egypt
She’s the past that you ought to inter
For behold He does a new thing-
For look with your eyes, He is the new thing”
“Rest my son. Rest. You’re not in a hurry. Everything else passes away but do I pass away, Joel? I am eternal. Stop rushing. Stop being impatient. Trust me. I love you. Seek me. Desire me. Joel, until everything else wanes in light of me, you will always break your heart. So rest… I am treasure, Joel, quit trinkets. Rest in Me, my son. Rest.”