Love and Elections – Biraaro-zoned #UgBlogWeek

Love and war.

They say all is fair in love and war. Well, it’s the month of love but it is also the month of elections and there is no war, despite numerous attempts to make us believe there will be one.

I’m a lover. However seeing how single I have been for most of my life, I cannot help feeling like Biraaro. I am wondering if I have chances of getting the girl if I change my campaign strategy.

See, every girl will talk to you like they are waiting for a man like Biraaro. They might convince you that they are waiting for a godly man, who is a peacemaker but can fight for you, a man with facial hair and a jolly good feeling in his voice. Biraaro boasts of more; he is a general, a pastor but also a farmer. However, I feel like Biraaro’s are good for the bad times. They help make her smile when she’s feeling down. They give her hope. A reason to believe that things are going to be better. However, is this enough? Most Biraaro’s offer no excitement. Just solutions and a happy ever after. Frankly speaking, girls are over that. Biraaro can’t be what they want.

Nice guys finish last
Nice guys finish last

Girls will act like they are waiting for Abed, the man who has given up a university job to serve other people in a church building. One whose principles are straight as an assegai and who will not hesitate to jump into action to save a girl from being raped by strangers. He sounds like a man with a plan. However, girls will not settle for an insane man. The kind of guy who does the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He has good intentions, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Girls act like they are waiting for Barya. With the 5 star Merc which probably has unlimited 4G internet and a whiskey dispenser that automatically refills your glass whenever it empties. They act like they are waiting for a man who can take care of their iPhone problem in a minute. One who can connect them with Google for a job placement. However, he’s quite a mystery. Is he a teacher, a techie, a businessman or a lover? Girls never go for the man who they cannot figure out.

Girls are not waiting for Kyalyas. No. Most girls I know hate obsequious people. People who like to please others. People who suck up to others as if they are waiting for a favour in return. If Kyalya was a guy…would any girl go for him, but who knows.

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Despite what they’d have you believe, girls are also not looking for JPAMs. Yes, an eloquent, smart man with the ability to pay every boda man’s bill for at least ten years still doesn’t cut it. Why? Ambiguous redundant responses turn them off, I hear.

Then there are the Mabirizi’s. Girls keep these men around for the fun. For the occasional laugh when they are feeling bored. Yes, bored. Not even sad. Sad might be a job for Biraaro. One who will convince them to come to the table of peace and make them feel better. Mabirizi’s on the other hand, purely for fun. Don’t be a Mabirizi if you want to win the elections.

I am not sure about Besigye. Girls love a man with purpose. A man who doesn’t give up. A man who can go through thick and shit to get the girl. However, not all girls are Winnie Byanyima and to be honest, at the end of the day, all a girl wants is a Museveni.

A man who is not afraid to shoot Zabulonis. A man who’s not talking about fiction. A man who can give you facts whose whereabouts are somewhere in the ministry of energy. A man who knows insecurity is ideological. Girls love a man who’s like a leopard. A man whose spots will never change. A man who will fight for his thing at whatever cost.

presidential-debate3

Anyway, what does a single guy know about what girls want? After several hits and misses, it’s safe to say I am speculating. However, you know what they say about single people, we have the best advice for relationship problems. As for elections. Go and vote. Think of yourself as the girl. Who has wooed you most this time?

Cheers.

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11 thoughts on “Love and Elections – Biraaro-zoned #UgBlogWeek

  1. Boss, enjoy the single-hood. It ends. Completely.

    There is no 'i' in marriage. Wait, there is, but never mind, you know wharramean.

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  2. My grandie said it takes little to convince a girl .........but all in all think like a girl i zero in to one best....

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