Acceptance. I’ve never really believed the serenity prayer. However, after a few experiences, it makes perfect sense.
She has not aged one bit. Not the hair. Not the laughter. Not the eyes. Not even the stance. She still has the brown skin, the smile that summons her eyes, the loud voice. She has not changed one bit. Except she’s holding a child who looks like they are about one year old. The child has a flimsy patch of hair in the middle of its head and big round eyes. Ah. I realise. The child must be hers.
“Oh my God. Felicity!” I exclaim smoothly trying to conceal my breathlessness.
“Joel? Joel it’s you!”
She breaks out into a light laugh of unbelief. She must be as surprised as I am. We’re here in the middle of the bookshop seeing face to face after a lifetime. I am looking for a book and a card, she’s accompanying her friend to do some shopping.
I look at her and heave. I begin to wonder where the anger, the pain, the green feelings had gone because there is nothing but peace. I feel joy. Not the kind that goes and tells it on the mountain, no. The kind that smiles under its breath. 8 years later who could have imagined we could have stopped to say hi to each other. Or ask about how we are doing or how we’ve grown up! Then it was nothing but slavery. Slavery to spite. Slavery to jealousy. Slavery to disappointment.
We hurt people, they hurt us. We create a cycle of hurt. We never let go because we haven’t accepted the betrayal or whatever it is.
There’s that thing about good friends turning into worst enemies. Kinda like Civil War.
I think it happens when one part of the friendship assumes they know the other. However, sometimes even best friends, see their lives as their own without you. When that comes to the surface,
Anyway. The real point is about letting people go. We blame people for so much because for sometime you’ve opened up a great deal and when it doesn’t go as planned, bitterness comes up. We become Pharaohs and hold people against their own will. We punish them over and over in our minds, sometimes actions, not knowing we are the ones under heavy punishment. We lose our first borns, the dreams we had with them. Lose our armies when we try to pursue, generally loss.
However, letting people go, might not happen automatically. For many, time and distance are the ones that work. There was this episode in Dexter’s lab where the two siblings got stuck in a fingertrap. Dexter being the scientist tried several ways to separate the bond but couldn’t. It was discovered the best way to get free was to bring the fingers together. The more tension, the more they were stuck, the more acceptance, the letting go.
I learnt a lesson today. Accepting things that are beyond me might be hard to take but sometimes it’s the only way to release. Time and distance might come along and help but accepting is paramount. The sooner you do, the better.
That said, it’s always good bumping into old friends. 🙂 Cheers.