Abandoned cross?

You get to the place where you look in the mirror, you see a broken man. You check your bank balance, you see a poor man. You check your missed calls, you see a lonely man. You check your attempts and all you see are failures. The races you started and failed to finish. You failed. You’re a miserable piece of man looking into the mirror.

Sunken orange eyes. Running nose.

You died a little with all your hits and misses.

You were supposed to die. Emptied of all hope, faith and whatever it was you mistakenly called love. All the striving was supposed to sweat you dry. To sweat you to the point that your dripped blood. And even when you got to that point, you did not ask the cup to be taken away from you.

Your way was the right way. Your hope, the right hope. You pursued rainbows for the pot of gold, rainbows that got lost in the clouds. You stuck to the cadence of your heart, ignoring your heart was deceitful above all things. You needed a new heart. You thought you had it, but the beat was yours. You had never crossed the door.

You had never carried the cross. You had never lost your life. You had never received His heart.

You now look in the mirror at the broken man, because you allowed that man to live. And his life came with everything. The ups, the downs, the wounds, the scars, the losses, the gains. They seemed to make sense then but now all they look like are dry, emaciated skin on bone.

You need a death you cannot die, a life you cannot live. You need the cross, the end of one the start of another.

Luke 9

23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.

25 For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?

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